Living in the Tension: Seasons, Systems, and Not Pretending We’ve Transcended Reality

I wrote this to make sense of something that’s been driving me mad — and in case it’s been doing the same to you.

I’ve been noticing something in spiritual and anti-capitalist spaces lately, and it’s been provoking a surprising amount of anger in me.

At first, I thought it was just my fairly well-known allergic reaction to being told what to do. But when I tried to make sense of it, I realised it was deeper than that.

So I want to be clear about what this isn’t.

I’m not dismissing the seasonal wisdom that I — and many of us — feel deeply to be true. And this isn’t a defence of hustle or grind culture either. I’m not interested in that.

For me, Samhain has always been my real new year. When things go underground, I’m already — consciously and unconsciously — reviewing and sifting through the past year. New ideas are forming. By the time February arrives, things do tend to start showing up: sometimes in physical reality, sometimes first in my mind.

So this isn’t cynicism. And it isn’t me saying seasons don’t matter.

Something else is bothering me — and I’d genuinely be interested to know if what I’m about to say has been bothering you too.

When partial truths get spoken as the whole story

In one spiritual group I’m part of, there’s a message circulating that new moon energy isn’t really about the moon — it’s internal. And I’m thinking… well, no, not quite.

Anyone who can feel earth energies will tell you lunar cycles are real and tangible. They move things — bodies, tides, nervous systems. Celestial bodies are portals for sure.

At the same time, I receive newsletters from spiritual businesses I respect saying that “New Year, New You” is capitalist, outdated, and out of alignment with your soul. And again, I think… no — I don’t wholly agree with you here either.

Behavioural science is pretty clear that clean slates work. Not just in January, but at many points in the year — birthdays, big life events, a change of job, a rupture, a decision. Clean slates won’t take us all the way to lasting change, but they aren’t meaningless. And neither is the New Year.

What’s bothering me isn’t that I think either camp is wrong.

It’s that I seem to react strongly when complex, lived reality gets flattened into a single correct way.

The tension we’re all trying to live

I think this points to a tension many of us are trying to live — whether we’ve named it or not.

I’m naming it partly because it’s been driving me a bit crazy, and I tend to discover what I think by writing. And partly in case you’ve been feeling pulled in seemingly different directions too, without quite knowing why.

We’re trying to live more intuitively, more seasonally, more aligned — inside systems that already exist.

And instead of acknowledging that tension, we sometimes try to resolve it by declaring one system false and another true.

Capitalism bad. Seasons good.
Calendars fake. Bodies real.
Planning conditioned. Intuition pure.

But lived reality is messier than that.

I don’t think it’s about replacing systems wholesale. I think it’s about learning how to be differently inside them.

Manifestation, systems, and not pretending I’m a master

I’ve had experiences of manifestation that have genuinely blown my mind. I’ve asked Source for support and watched things arrive in ways that felt almost impossible.

And I cannot live like that on a daily basis.

I’m not a spiritual master. I’m not someone who can sit in a cave and project bowls of rice into students’ hands. Theoretically, we could all walk through walls — but only if we absolutely knew we could. I don’t. I’d get bruises.

What I’ve learned instead is that spirit seems to be immensely efficient with energy.

If the most direct way for support, money, or opportunity to reach me is through systems that already exist — business structures, online platforms, calendars — then that’s not a failure of alignment.

Using those channels doesn’t mean I worship them — it just means I’m honest about how energy currently moves in the world.

Energy still has to come through something physical to take form. People. Systems. Infrastructure. Matter.

Planning, presence, and nervous systems

Here’s another piece I want to own — because maybe you see this in yourself too.

When uncertainty rises, I reach for structure.

I plan. I measure. I get strategic. That gives my nervous system a sense of order in a world that often feels anything but ordered.

Meditation is harder for me when things feel shaky. Slowing down. Sitting in not-knowing. Letting wisdom arise without trying to manage it.

And I’m genuinely okay with that.

Without planning and some kind of strategy — in business and in life — I can become floaty and never follow through on my highest excitement or impulses.

Too much strategy, and I become driven, overly focused on outcomes, and miss the day-to-day joys: sunsets, the smell of good coffee, the deep wisdom and peace that comes from presence.

Again: tension. Not something to fix.

How I’m managing the tension (for now)

Right now, the way I’m managing all of this looks like a mix.

I’m using New Year momentum in some areas, and not in others. I’m reclaiming some health and fitness goals that I consciously let go of last year so I could focus on deep healing. And at the same time, I’m still resting a lot. Both feel true.

I’m doing my best to trust my instincts.

That’s meant choosing a medical model of intervention recently — for the first time in years — and being genuinely glad I did. It’s also meant choosing an alternative form of support that a past version of me would have found far too risky, thank you very much.

I’m paying much closer attention to who I let support me. I no longer partner with people who try to impose their methodology onto me as a client.

I’m also learning to distinguish between real fear and anxiety. Real, true fear has a clarity to it — it’s often protective, even beautiful. Trauma-driven terror and anxious spirals are a different thing entirely.

More and more, I’m going inside before I make decisions. Checking what’s actually true for me.
(ADHD folks: you know.)

And sometimes I don’t do any of that, and fall back into old patterns of handing my power to external authorities — just not for as long these days.

Most of all, I’m pulling close and treasuring the people and support in my life who honour my own truth and inner guidance — not because it matches theirs, but because it’s mine.  And they have my back so will challenge me  – and also invite me to do the same with them.

That’s what managing the tension looks like for me right now.
Untidy, messy and evolving.