Something landed in my inbox today and made me think of you.
The topic was nervous system regulation.
Specifically, Self regulation.
The email was from Sounds True, I haven’t listened to the episode but it was an interview about the need for co-regulation and interdependence.
And it got me thinking.
My old job as an addictions specialist taught me a lot about dependency and co-dependency. In fact, we never used the term addictions, instead I was trained in a social, biological and psychological model of drug and alcohol use.
We all “depend” on something or someone, noone is designed to be totally self reliant. That’s an out play of the unhealthy aspects of individualism. Inter-dependance is the healthy form of co-dependancy.
With the work of Peter Levine, Gabor Mate, Stephen Porgess and Resmaa Menakem et al, we also understand the importance of nervous system regulation for navigation stress and the resolution of trauma.
But, just as the Sounds True article was alluding to, we aren’t designed to self regulate all the time. We’re designed to co-regulate.
For me, this is a step towards the unity consciousness that many of you who are on my email list are really interested in.
The vagus nerve, radiant circuits (a type of meridian) and our mental health are all designed to be in relational space with other people.
So what is co-regulation?
Let me give you an example.
When one of my teens is struggling to regulate their own nervous system, for example when they are experiencing high activation (anxiety) I bring my regulation (calm) into our relational field (space between us) and allow my nervous system to act as a tuning fork to theirs.
Because I am a nervous system that they trust, they listen to my low, slow and soft voice tone, but more importantly my nervous system can guide them to their own regulation.
One person’s nervous system can guilde another person’s nervous system home to deep presence.
I’m not saying that anything other than calm is wrong, we are far more complex than that and co-regulation is not easy, but there is an inner state of resourcefulness available to us when we aren’t knocked out of our own centre or balance because of external events.
Since I learned about the nervous system language and trained in it about 4 years ago, I’ve honed my ability to teach them self regulation. As someone who experienced C-PTSD I’ve also learned to increase my own capacity for self regulation.
As I speak to my peers, friends and colleagues, I understand that it’s not just the isolation resulting from the pandemic that impedes our ability to co-regulate (ie provide each other with a warm and supportive space where our authenticity can unfold) but also our struggle to trust in others.
Because of the divisive nature of the past 18 months, more and more of us are becoming highly selective about the people we invite into our relational field (ie our energy space) in an intimate way.
Navigating relationships in this way is also filled with new skills. Skills that I think our culture desperately needs to focus on. Relating to each other (and ourselves) with extra-ordinary kindness and respect, resolving conflict in win:win ways and processing our unresolved trauma is a multi-layered skill set.
Dealing with conflict goes way beyond non violent communication skills. I’ve actively lived the concept of finding wins wins for years now but the challenges we face now are calling on all of us to develop new skills and understandings. I’m constantly learning.
But one surprising core skill that’s helped me the most, and one that I see many of my students, friends and colleagues use for learning co-regulation is channeling.
Let me explain with some backstory
I kinda joke that I was raised by spirit. Born into significant violence, turbulence and chaos I never really fully landed in physical reality and kept my communication channels with the non physical wide open.
I have vivid memories of sitting in my cot looking up at my “bubble of friends” I’d see smiling faces and feel love from that bubble. I’m pretty sure that’s mainly how I survived my early childhood.
Then in my teens I made more conscious connection with the non physical via tarot, giving psychic readings and training in mediumship etc. I learned parental wisdom from guides and unseen helpers that my own parents didn’t have the capacity to teach.
When I began to channel about 11 years ago, that re-parenting by spirit took on a whole other level and dimension (literally) Channeling totally changed my life, took me deeper into my authenticity, taught me about embodiment and helped me to regulate my nervous system.
Can you imagine the impact of having a being who loved you UNCONDITIONALLY as a tuning fork??!?! I joke that I healed the majority of my co-dependency with Aurora. I used to argue with them, stamp my feet and try to pull them into endless loops of drama triangle at times 😉 They weren’t having any of it.
Aurora, just like The A’s now (and any other high level being that I connect with) never budged from their own truth and their ability to love me. Ultimate tuning fork.
The A’s now are my “parents” when I struggle to parent myself. Parenting isn’t exactly the right term. But when I can’t self regulate, connecting with The A’s is the first thing that I do. I absolutely still need other humans in my life and have friends that I trust completely.
But, a not very often talked about aspect of channeling, lays beyond the guidance that you can receive and instead becomes about the complete immersion in Divine Love you can experience to be reminded that
We are loved
We are utterly, utterly safe
And that All is Truly Well.
Our connection with the Divine love of our guides, higher selves or Soure energy is the ultimate in co-regulation
I look at it like this. Each individual needs to plug into their own Source if Divine Love, just like you plug your electric car into charge, then we are topped up, we go out into the world more able to interact with each other from that place of inner Divinity,
Where we see the divine, the beloved in everyone and everything.
Well, that’s the plan 😉
I still experience road rage 😉 and my own inner parent tells me that part of my is loved too.
Channeling is one way of connecting with that Divine Love and topping our selves up.
I still use EFT, talking to friends, journaling, working out, talking to stone circles and ocean swimming to express myself too….we are born to engage in this world in ways that light us up…but channeling is my go to for most things.
The most important thing to remember is, we aren’t designed to do life all alone and we get to choose who we allow into our space.
For me its a practical combination of my IRL friends to share my life with, my “internet and lives elsewhere” friends who are brilliant at co-creating relational spaces for depth and belly laughs, and non physical beings via channeling, stone circle work etc.
It all works and all blends together as one support system.
Feeling connected to ourselves and others is crucial for ending co-depedency and addictions and for feeling fulfilled. And it’s not easy. Our very culture is designed to keep us disconnected and feeling lack.
Developing a relationship with the non physical is powerful way to develop connection, whether that’s through a connection with nature, your guides, higher self or some other connection to Source energy.
Take time to plug in and co-regulate.
If channeling is something that you are interested in, there’s now a private group to compliment my own channel your guide course so that we can support and encourage each other and to also share information that we are bringing through from other dimensions.
I’d love to see you in there.